What to do when you could not save a close person, though you could have? What about the favors they did on you, but you couldn't repay? What if they felt a little disappointed? What if you couldn't help to get on the right path?
When you could not save a close person or repay their favors, Jain teachings offer a clear path: the only way to truly become free of such obligations is to help that person understand and establish themselves in the true religion (dharma) as taught by the Omniscient (Kevali) [1]. Even if you served your parents daily with oils, baths, ornaments, and carried them on your shoulders, or gave all your wealth to a former benefactor, or even shifted a preceptor from a drought-stricken area to a good one or cured a fatal disease—none of these fully recompense the debt [1]. The debt is only cleared when you explain the true religion and its subtleties to them and help them become stable in it [1].
If they felt disappointed or you couldn't help them get on the right path, remember that grief and lamentation over the departed—crying "O mother! O father!"—is rooted in attachment (moha) and does not truly help anyone [4]. The wise person, like a deer that keeps far from a lion, should examine dharma and avoid sinful actions from afar [4]. A true friend is one who stops you from sin, leads you on the right path, and helps in times of need [3]. Since you cannot turn back time, the best you can do now is to cultivate good conduct, practice repentance for your lapses (as in the Pratikramana, asking forgiveness from all beings), and dedicate yourself to the true religion—this is the way to honor their memory and work toward your own spiritual progress [5].
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When you face the reality that you could not save a person, the scriptures teach that ultimately no one—not even the closest kin—is capable of protecting another from suffering or death. The Ācārāṅga Sūtra states plainly: "Those kinsmen are not capable of protecting you or giving you refuge. Neither are you capable of protecting them or giving them refuge" [4]. Likewise, the Uttarādhyayana Sūtra recounts how even a father's wealth, a mother's love, and devoted siblings and spouse could not free a person from pain—calling this "my unprotectedness" [5]. This is not a failure on your part; it reflects the natural law that life and death are governed by conditions beyond any individual's control [3]. The proper response is not guilt or despair, but compassionate acceptance and self-reflection. The Sūtrakṛtāṅga advises that a wise person, understanding that no one can grant refuge in this world or the next, should let go of attachment (mamatva) and ego (ahaṅkāra), and follow the path of right faith, knowledge, and conduct [1]. If you have caused harm, the only recourse is sincere repentance and resolving not to repeat the action [3]. Ultimately, every soul reaps the fruit of its own karma, so your duty is to cultivate non-attachment, practice compassion, and focus on your own spiritual progress rather than agonizing over what you could not change [3][4].
This is a delicate family situation, and the key is to explain your family’s values to your children in a way that is honest, compassionate, and consistent, without undermining their mother. You can tell them that in our family, we follow the principle of *Ahimsa* (non-violence), which means we try to avoid causing harm or suffering to any living being [3]. Explain that eggs come from chickens, and the egg industry involves a lot of cruelty—hens are kept in tiny, crowded cages, are debeaked, and are treated like "egg-producing machines" [3][4]. Even unfertilized eggs support this industry, and a fertilized egg is the pre-birth stage of a chick [3][5]. So, for us, eating eggs is not in line with our commitment to compassion. Regarding the difference with your wife, it's important to be honest with your children without creating conflict. You can say something like: "Mommy and I have different views on this, and that's okay. We both love you very much. For me, following our Jain values of *Ahimsa* is very important, and that's why I choose not to eat eggs. You can make your own informed choice as you grow up, but I want to share with you why this matters to me." This approach respects your wife's autonomy while clearly communicating your own values and the reasoning behind them, allowing your children to understand the "why" rather than just a rule.
Your inspiration from Bhagwan Mahavir's story is well-founded. While in his mother Queen Trishala's womb, Mahavir remained completely motionless out of compassion, to avoid causing her any pain. However, this stillness made his mother deeply anxious, fearing something was wrong with her baby [2][3]. Realizing that even this brief stillness caused his parents such grief, he reflected that renouncing the world during their lifetime would surely break their hearts [3]. Therefore, he decided he would not take Diksha (initiation) until after his parents had passed away, so they would not suffer worry or sorrow on his account [3][4]. This decision reflects his profound compassion and sense of obligation to his parents. The context also shows that this principle of seeking parental permission was standard practice; for instance, Lord Mahavir told the young Aimutta that Diksha could not be given without his parents' consent, and Megh Kumar similarly sought his parents' blessing before initiation [1][5]. So Mahavir's choice was not just a personal one but a model of respect and care for family, even while on the spiritual path.
Yes, it is possible to know the karmic debt of a person, but only at the highest stage of spiritual development. According to Jain philosophy, the soul is inherently capable of knowing everything, but its potentialities are obscured by the operation of Karma [1]. As a person begins to shed Karma through equanimity and spiritual practice, these potentialities become increasingly evident, allowing the soul to know more and more until it reaches the state of *Kewaljnän* (omniscience), where it knows everything [1]. At this Karmaless stage, the soul has full knowledge of all its past and present Karmas. However, for ordinary individuals, it is not possible to know exactly which Karmas will exert their effects or when they will mature. Some Karmas give an instant effect, while others take a long time or even many births to manifest [2]. The Karmas are divided into three categories: *Sanchit* (accumulated but not currently operative), *Vartamän* (present Karmas being acquired now), and *Uday* (operative Karmas that constitute destiny) [2]. While one can know the general principles of how Karma works—such as the eight main types of Karma and their 148 sub-divisions—the specific details of one's own karmic debt remain hidden until one attains omniscience [5].
Not everyone gets *jāti smaraṇ* (past-life memory) because it is not an automatic or universal ability — it arises only under specific conditions related to karma and spiritual effort. According to the Āchārāṅga Sūtra, the main causes include: (1) suppression of *mohaniya karma* (deluding karma), as with Nami Rājarishi; (2) purification of attitude, feeling, and *leśyā* (the soul's purity color-code), as with Mrigaputra; and (3) listening to discourses of or having dialogue with beings of direct knowledge like Tīrthaṅkaras, Kevalis, or advanced sages (e.g., *avadhi-jñāni*, *manah-paryavajñāni*, *chaturdash pūrvadhār*). Some acquire it through outside influence, others naturally through *kṣayopasham* (extinction-cum-suppression) of karmas that obstruct that knowledge [1]. Additionally, the Rājpraśnīya Sūtra explains that many people miss the opportunity to hear the omniscient-propagated dharma — a key trigger for such awareness — due to four reasons: not approaching ascetics, not honoring them, not offering alms with devotion, and hiding from them when met on the way [2]. So, jāti smaraṇ depends on both karmic readiness and actively seeking spiritual guidance; those who lack the right karmic state or fail to engage with enlightened teachers do not develop it.
Based on the Jain scriptures in the provided context, we should not eat food that grows underground because such foods are classified as **Anantkaya** (aggregate plant life), which contains innumerable living beings (jivas) [1]. The context lists 32 such forbidden foods, including tubers (Bhumikand), carrots, garlic, ginger, turmeric, radish, yams, and sprouted pulses [1]. These are considered "one-sensed" beings with infinite lives in a single body, and consuming them destroys countless souls [1]. The scriptures state that we are not endowed with the sense of taste to kill these innumerable living beings, and doing so for taste will result in losing the organ of taste in the next birth [1]. Additionally, the Acharanga Sutra explains that food placed on earth-bodied beings (sachit earth) is considered faulty and unacceptable, as it involves harm to earth-bodied beings [2]. By abstaining from eating these underground foods, one gains the merit (punya) of saving the lives of infinite living beings [1].